Grasping at Straws

No one argues the point that August is the slowest month of the year for a hockey fan. No games, drafts or free agent frenzy; just a month for beat writers to go on vacation (yes, I'm talking about Mike Russo here) and others to dream for the upcoming months. Even The NHL Network seems to be taking the month off...between showing re-runs of past playoff games and episodes of "Top 10 Back-up Goalies of the 1991 Playoffs", the network has little to offer.

I have a solution: develop a hockey TV drama in the spirit of "The West Wing". Watching the inner-workings of the NHL League Headquarters would make terrific TV...actors that look like Gary Bettman and Collin Campbell could argue about the league's insanely inconsistent conduct policies, pseudo-Bettman could go suit shopping and maybe even have Brendan Shanahan play himself for a few episodes during sweeps weeks. I'd start by trying to talk Kevin Spacey into the Bettman part, in a Lester Burnham-like role. Then team him up with Nick Nolte for the Campbell part; the hijinx would come naturally. I'd watch every week, as long as they didn't schedule it against "The Real World: New Orleans". Knight's a spectacular d-bag.

Adrian Dater is no Hater

Of all the 4 major American sports (baseball, basketball, football and hockey), it is hardest to evaluate a hockey player by just looking at statistics. In baseball, statistics are everything and number guys poor over them in endless fashion with some success. Basketball is a bit harder...there is no stat for hustle and team play, but in the end you can still look at a game and see who scored, passed the ball and grabbed some rebounds. Football is even harder...how do you evaluate a guard? But again, for quarterbacks, halfbacks and receivers the statistics usually can indicate the better players.

Hockey is different. You can't look at a box score and determine the best player on the ice for a given game. There is so much more to the game than just tapping in a goal on a wide open net. They've added some stats in the last few years like "hits" that add more to the puzzle, but in the end you can't evaluate a player without watching the game.

Where am I headed with this? Mikko F. Koivu, my friends. When Avs shill Adrian Dater recently posted his 10 best centers article, there was some outcry that Koivu shouldn't be included on the list, let alone appear at #7. Is Evgeni Malkin twice as good a player than Koivu simply because he scores twice as often? Of course not. Dater was completely in the right putting Koivu on the list, only I would argue he should've been a bit higher.

Burritos for Bloggers

Yesterday afternoon via Twitter I announced my bold ambition to donate $8.50 to the "Burritos for Bloggers" Foundation once I hit 100 followers on my Twitter account. Within 7 short, hungry hours I had reached 75 and the number continues grow. Pledge your support for this terrific organization by following me at http://twitter.com/wildpuckbanter.

WPB Book Club Main Selection

For those of you who enjoy a good post-apocalypse, vampire-infested world book I highly recommend picking up Justin Cronin's "The Passage." Because of its similarities to "The Stand" I was intrigued by the premise...a military experiment goes awry and millions die...but it turns out to be more than that. It's a story of a little girl who helps the last vestiges of humanity survive all while holding out hope that the National Hockey League can find a way to close a loophole in its Collective Bargaining Agreement. Ok, the latter part of that sentence isn't completely accurate, but it's a good read anyway.

Projected Lines

Yes, we've reached that part of the hockey year where I struggle to come up with topics to write about. I've had an internal debate about whether or not to post my feelings about this season's edition of The Bachelorette, but thankfully that got scrapped. In lieu of that, here are what I think the Wild's lines look like for the upcoming season:

Brunette-Koivu-Bouchard
Latendresse-Cullen-Havlat
Clutterbuck-Kobasew-Miettinen
Nystrom-Weller-Brodziak (Staubitz alternating)

Zidlicky-Zanon
Burns-Schultz
Barker-Mitchell (*)

(*) Notice I included Willie Mitchell. This is a complete guess based upon the team's need for another veteran player. In his alternate, you could substitute Stoner or maybe even Marco Scandella.

Where's Shep? My gut tells me he'll be waived after training camp.

Maybe Versus Isn't Soooo Bad

After watching 5 minutes of last night's MLB Home Run Derby on ESPN I came away thankful that the network doesn't have rights to the NHL. Can you imagine Chris "I can make up stupid nicknames for everyone" Berman anchoring the NHL Skills Competition? Versus may have a poor market presence, a cheap studio and some of the worst play-by-play guys in sports, but at least they don't have a tubby, over-juiced anchor who wears bad cabana shirts.

Getting the Band Back Together

I accidentally stumbled across Wild GM Chuck Fletcher's plan the other night while watching The NHL Network. Game 4 of the 1981 Cup Finals was being replayed; an upstart Edmonton Oilers team against the 4 time defending champion Islanders. It then donned on me: Chuck's trying to reassemble the 1981 New York Islanders by using kids and nephews of the cup-winners.

First part of plan: get Clark Gilles' nephew Colton on the team. Former GM Doug Risebrough had already accomplished this by taking young Gilles several spots ahead of where he was ranked. Gilles floundered in his first NHL season and spent 2009-10 in the AHL.

Second part: sign Eric Nystrom. Done. Nystrom, as you may recall, is Bobby Nystrom's son. Perfect!

Third part of plan: find out of Bryan Trottier or Mike Bossy have any offspring that can put the puck in the net.

With All Due Respect, Hell No!

Retire already, please.

My Name is Robbie Earl

Minnesota Wild winger Robbie Earl signed a contract with the team yesterday, agreeing to a one year deal. Earl, who spent what seemed like 11 years at the University of Wisconsin, actually played pretty well for the Wild last season, appearing in 32 games and scoring 6 times. It's a two-way contract, so expect to see Earl on the flight between Minneapolis and Houston several times next season.

On an unrelated note, I've come to enjoy a good gyro. Roy out.

Crazy Talk

Which of the following is more likely?

(A) Ilya Kovulchuk signs with the Wild.
(B) I eat a vegetarian burrito at Chipotle.
(C) Terhaar becomes a competent play-by-play guy.

At this point, I'd have to go with "A," but only considering the alternate choices.

Eric F-in Nystrom!

Sure, all the ballyhoo and excitement was about the team signing UFA Matt Cullen yesterday, but to me the underrated signing was that of Eric Nystrom. Nystrom, a left winger, will provide much-needed grit and toughness to the Minnesota Wild. Here are some reasons why I am upbeat about this:

• Dude's only 27. Still improving.
• 23 career NHL fights over 3 seasons. Boogaard's semi-replacement?
• Another American on the team that lacks in that area.
• Played for a division rival...although Calgary's not a factor anymore, right?
• Anytime we sign another forward it means less ice time for Shep.

Things are looking up. Cullen and Nystrom yesterday, Guillaume signed, another talented Finn drafted...we're on our way!