Saturday, November 17, 2012

WPB Investigates

The lack of professional hockey has given our staff here at Wild Puck Banter some extra time to pursue some stories that have been delayed for some time.  Last month we unleashed our investigative department on an issue that can no longer be overlooked and the results are alarming.  Here is what was discovered.

In an attempt to make inroads with the Finnish people in Minnesota, the Wild have purposely gone after players of Finnish descent and added them to their roster.  In an internal memo obtained by unnamed sources, Wild management has said repeatedly this to their scouts:

"I don't give a rat's ass if the Swedish player has more ability.  If they're not a Finn, don't waste my motherf****ing time."

At first I found this theory hard to believe, but then I took a closer look at their historical roster.  Petteri Nummelin, Antti Laaksonen and Antti Miettinen are examples A, B and C.  Then they go ahead and make a Finn the team captain.  Their starting goaltender is Finnish as well as their top prospect.  This all seems too coincidental.

Minnesota's population is 23% Finnish.  With these undeniable facts, it's clear what the Wild is up to here.  Sign Finns and win the support of Minnesota.

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